Well for fun, I wrote the Woodworking version and posted it at Badger Pond on April 12, 1999:
"Everybody's Free to Woodwork"
You aren't as fat...... uhhh, who cares what you look like, it's what you make that must look good.
Don't worry about the future, just buy the tools you need and finish the project before the Mastercard statement arrives.
It's easier to get the statement when you've got a finished project to look at rather than a pile of half cut wood.
Don't ever do anything that scares you with powertools.
Sing, really loud.... no one can here you above the noise of your tools.
Don't be reckless with powertools, they can kill.
Don't waste your time and money on cheap tools. Buy good and buy once.
Remember the compliments you receive. Forget the insults. Besides who ever insults someone else's work?
Don't insult you own work.
Keep your woodworking plans..... they're always good for a chuckle when you've finished the project your way.
Wood doesn't stretch so think before you cut.
Measure twice, cut once.... Then when you realize it was still wrong, measure 6 times and pray before cuttiing.
Don't feel guilty if you have no idea when you'll actually finish your project. Some of the best projects take months longer than anticipated.
Maybe you've got a bandsaw, maybe you don't.
Maybe you've got a jointer, maybe you don't.
Remember people made furniture long before electricity was discovered.
Enjoy the tools you have. Not everyone can afford what you have.
Dance.... but not while operating powertools. You can do the "TWIST" only when it comes to v-belts.
Dance around the shop when you've finally completed a project.
Read the instructions and figure out what they meant, not what they printed.
Read woodworking magazines and drool over the work others do.
Let it inspire you. There is nothing you can't do, you can do anything.... it just may take a dozen or more tries.
Understand that friends come and friend go, but the friends you make at Badger Pond will last forever.
Cut dovetails by hand once, but get a router before you go nuts.
Use a coping saw once, but get a scroll saw or bandsaw before you go nuts.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise, but there are aways $50 rebates. Sales come just after you purchase a tool. You too will get old, but your kids and grandkids can use your Unisaw when you're gone.
Respect anything with a blade.
Never use it unless fully alert.... distractions can kill.
Never operate a tool with a cord under the influence of anything other that Badger Ponder or Norm.
Don't mess too much with the finish. You'll never get it to dry without at least one speck of dust landing on it.
Enjoy woodworking... if it's not fun it's not worth doing.
And as always......